Monday, January 9, 2012

postpartum hair loss

I have discovered the cause of postpartum hair loss, and it has nothing to do with hormones. It's cause is actually your infant's grasp reflex. When they have outgrown their grasp reflex, the cause is sheer infantile sadism.

I have worn my hair up since I realized this phenomenon, and my hair has a permanent crease in it where the hair clip stays put. I look like a 12 year old boy with my hair up, acne (which has everything to do with hormones), and face naked of makeup. Top it off with pajamas worn all day and my postpartum physique and you have a fail proof form of birth control.

God probably did this intentionally...his own way of avoiding overpopulation. The problem is there are way too many MILFs out there (I really hate that word, but it's too appropriate not to use in this case).

Where do these women come from? Is it some form of evolution? Will my bloodline die out because I haven't adapted to motherhood with makeup, a full head of untouched-by-infant-hands hair, and proper clothing choices? I bet THESE women use burp rags.

And here is the cruel, cruel truth: my husband has gotten MORE attractive after our son was born. All he has to do to win a nurse over at the hospital is casually mention his infant son. All of a sudden, the nurse who was belligerent and stubborn 5 minutes ago is all smiles and "show me some pictures" and "yes doctor, anything else you need, doctor?"

And can you blame them?

The only thing more attractive to women than a physician is one who loves kids. It's just not fair!!

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