Sunday, May 27, 2012

SAHM problems

1. Running out of whole milk. A catastrophe that needs rectified with a middle of the night run to the 7-11.  Have you been in a 7-11 in the middle of the night? It's actually worse than going there in the day time...if you can believe that.

2. Having no clean bottles.

3. Having clean bottles, but no nipples since your dishwasher's heating element destroyed them.

4. Having a Sophie's choice-like dilemma when your husband is off work and wants to spend time with you (you know, since you do nothing but nag him about how he always chooses his iPad and the toilet over you) but you desperately need to clean the house.

5. Friends are coming over for a SOS playdate, but your house is trashed. You've also, coincidentally, run out of Lysol wipes.

6. Having friends who actually care what state your house is in. These friends typically don't have kids.

7. Pets. Prior to having kids, they were only endearing nuisances. Now they threaten to wake up your sleeping monster during nap euthanasia of pets illegal*?

8.  Facebook/pinterest/blogging vs. making dinner

9. Having too much coffee and then going on an errand with your toddler. Pooping in the privacy of your own home is an ordeal with your kid. Pooping in public with him is you have to abort your errand (which probably entailed buying milk and coffee, see #1) and race home.

10. Trying to simultaneously keep your kid awake in the car seat while not causing a 10 car pile up.

11. If you fail at #10, having a kid who fell asleep in the car nanoseconds from pulling in to the driveway.

12. Trying to transfer your kid from the car to the bed without waking him up. If he wakes up (which is always), your nap time bliss is over. And your sleep deprived kid will stay awake until 9pm. Because f you for ruining his nap.

13. Cleaning anything ever.

14. Changing batteries in toys.

15. Having someone beat you to a great deal on kid's stuff on Craigslist.

16. Taking your kid to a doctor's appointment for yourself.

17. Having to put your toddler in a stroller. They want to walk, damn it, or at least be carried. They do not want to sit strapped in to a stroller.

18. The new AAP car seat recs for switching from backward to forward facing. Fuck you AAP. Don't any of you have kids? My son won't be 40 pounds until he's in 3rd grade.

19. Having a picky eater. By picky, I mean my son won't eat cake, ice cream, chicken nuggets, or anything. Ever. At all.

20. The days where the kid only naps in the car and doesn't take a real one at home. These make for long, cranky, sleep-deprived nights.

I could really go on and on, so I'll spare you and ask you to add your own mommy problems!

*No animals were harmed in the making of this blog post.