Tuesday, February 14, 2012

a close call

A few days ago, Tim had a day off work. We usually do a bunch of errands on these rare occasions, and this day was no exception. Everything we had to do was in the same, small plaza.

Tim dropped Parker and I off at Old Navy while he went a little further down to get a hair cut. He met us back at Old Navy, we walked over to Barnes and Noble, then we needed to go across the way to the grocery store. It was freezing out, so instead of just walking (with a getting-progressively-moodier baby) we decided to drive and park a little closer.

Since Parker was being a beast, I didn't strap him into his car seat. We were driving maybe a thousand feet and would hit a max of 5 miles per hour. I wasn't worried....

...Until I see a cop car heading straight towards us, driving on the opposite side of the road. In seconds he would be passing us, and no doubt would see this crazed 9 month old infant bouncing in my arms, and screeching and banging on the window. When I say "crazed," I mean it. This was the first time he had ever been in the car facing in a forward direction. He was SO EXCITED. We're talking Disneyworld excited.

Parker, being the genius troublemaker that he is, was TRYING to get me busted. After all, I deserved it for dragging him out, in the freezing cold, PAST HIS BEDTIME, to buy clothes only for myself at Old Navy. The grocery store stop was just too much. Someone had to stop me!

So what do I do?

I have a millisecond panic attack, and then I orchestrate a move that my mother taught to me, and her mother taught to her and so on for many generations. I am referring to the coveted "throw-the-kids-not-wearing-a-seatbelt-on-the-floor-of-the-car" move. Also known as the "everyone duck move."

I was blessed that this maneuver has been passed through so many generations, so as to have been perfected by the time I had to bust it out.

I gently toss Parker to the floor of the car, look straight up to the sky, and practically start doing the "nothing to see here" whistle. I mean, it's not unusual for a wife to sit in the back seat while her husband chauffeurs her around with an empty car seat next to the wife. Everyone does that, right?

I'm cringing...waiting for the cop to pass us, turn around, and "pull us over" in the parking lot. He passes, I'm still looking up at the sky (clenching every sphincter in my body), and Tim goes, "OMG he looked right in our car."

At this point I really think we are going to get a ticket for upwards of a thousand dollars for this infraction. What does it cost to drive with an unrestrained infant?

Answer: I wouldn't know! SUCKER!!!!

No. Just kidding (kind of). I have learned my lesson. In the future, if we are only going a short intra-plaza distance, I will at least sit Parker in the car seat so as to give the illusion that he is buckled in.

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