Tuesday, March 6, 2012

crotch attack

Today it was absolutely beautiful here in St. Louis, a very balmy 75 and sunny. I was looking forward to getting out with Parker as soon as the garage repair man came to fix our garage. He came out and within 5 minutes said he needed to fix some motor something, but I would need to back the car out in order for him to access the motor part. I ran into our apartment to grab the keys. I couldn't find them anywhere.

I called up Tim to see where he put them. He doesn't answer, so I go back out and arrange for the repair guy to come back tomorrow, since my husband misplaced our keys. They ended up conveniently being in his pocket at work. This doubly sucked since our stroller was locked in the car.

Since I really didn't want to waste all day inside, I strapped Parker into the Baby Bjorn and decided to go for a walk. This was a mistake from the get go. He is just too heavy for me now that he is 10 months old. He is still really small for his age, but so am I. I just don't have the muscle capacity to walk very far with him. So we get a little way down the street and I turn around.

We are intercepted by this very sweet, elderly woman who is walking her poodle. She stops us so she can talk with Parker. "Oh she's a little girl?" Well no, she's a boy. But I can see how that might be confusing by the red and brown onesie, brown pants, and blue sunhat that he is wearing.

Then something happened that was borderline criminal...I'm almost ashamed to disclose this. She reaches for Parker's foot. Since he is in the carrier you can kind of picture where his foot is in relation to my body. In the process she totally swipes at my pelvic area and ends up hitting me right in the crotch. I was so startled I jumped, which startled Parker, which caused him to kick this woman, which startled the woman.

We both jump away from each other.

"Oh my, he doesn't like his feet touched!"

Ya...that's the problem. Not your hand-eye coordination.

I don't even know what to say to her comment, because I am still recovering from being molested by a little old lady and her poodle. I safely back up a step and divert all our attention to her dog. We managed to sneak away without further inappropriate contact...but in the meantime, I'm really going to retire the Baby Bjorn. It's just too dangerous now.


  1. I was at Kohl's the other day (because that's where you buy clothes once you grow old and move to the ATL suburbs) and some lady came up to me and started complimenting me on my hair color. THEN she started TOUCHING my hair. Now, I have sensory issues to begin with...but from a STRANGER?! The only thing I could think of was "ughhh this must be how pregnant moms feel when strangers touch their belly!" I can't even imagine how awful that must feel when someone touches something else! Ewwww....

  2. HAHA now you know how black girls feel! I hear they get their hair touched all the time by white people lol. It's funny, I was not one of those people who minded when people touched my belly...I think it's because I also have the major urge to touch a pregnant belly, although I refrain unless it's a friend (hint hint) :)